Why do I put up with unnecessary people in my life?
and why do I allow sour emotions to overcome me?
and why do I settle for less than I deserve?
These questions constantly rattle me. And it's time I answered them.
Long answer short, because I equate my worth with the wrong f*cking things. Excuse my french but i just need to get a few things off my chest.
Okay, so where can I begin ... first question
Why do I put up with unnecessary people in my life?
Ha, well in all honesty it's because like most people in their youth, I require attention and approval. I suppose that I have yet to reach a point in my life where people's opinions of me JUST DONT MATTER. And i can say "I DON'T CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK" a thousand times over, rehearse it in the mirror and all ... but when I wake up in the morning, I don't get dressed for myself ... NO, I get dressed for y'all suckas. (not to say yall are really suckas, lol). "Dress to impress" they say ... "always dress for your worst enemy" they say. Great advice, until I realized that my choices are guided by forces other than my own opinion! I allow negative opinions and thoughts from others to motivate me toward greatness, but that's a weak force, Because it's unreliable and makes me too d*mn emotional. Maaaan ... "so you're telling me im insecure?" ... wow, can't remember how many times I've confided in others for the answer to that question. But I don't believe insecurity is the word. Yeah somedays I'm down and feel like people "just don't get me" ... but isn't that what makes individuality so great? So, the point is.. that I allow the wrong type of people around me because to me that means that in someway they accept me, weirdness.. craziness.. awkwardness included.
But the real questions to ask are what kind of person am I? What kind of people should be around me?
Why do I allow sour emotions to overcome me?
Hmm, maybe its just my nature. Maybe you're not big on zodiac signs but I kinda am .. and well i'm a cancer and I'm also a female. These two characteristics make for one shaky being. The problem isn't the emotions, its the fact that negative emotions take over because I let my strength down in certain situations, specifically when experiencing envy and lust. Those two are tough ones because they become so easy to feed into. I allow my heart to speak before my mind, which can be really risky because thinking critically is very crucial in this world today... One wrong turn can take your life. I'm going off on a tangent here, but anyway.. I'm basically tryna say that I'm an emotional person. Most people can't stand it, but whatever. That's how I think and deal with situations, through emotion... and while i AM a very logical person, I have to admit that my emotions are intense, sometimes they're too ridiculous for me, lol. But I'm working on it, I'm building strength in other places and learning to be guided by thought and emotion .. not just one or the other.
Why do I settle for less than I deserve?
I suppose this question is strictly based around knowing and understanding my worth.
still figuring that one out.
