On Staying Motivated

To my left, there's four college textbooks stacked high. Behind it, a Patternmaking for Fashion Design: 4th Edition. To my right, a clock ... and it's late. Behind me, new clothes straight from China (possibly poor quality), a sewing machine, and a picture of me graduating pre-school.

Now, what does all this have to do with staying motivated? Here's the thing. Right now I should be studying. I should be reading a chapter, learning the necessary facts to pass my test tomorrow, or something. Instead, I'm too busy day dreaming because I'd rather be right here typing away my thoughts. Shall we begin....

Gosh I can't tell you how often the importance of college is reiterated to me. "Without a degree I won't get far" .... "Those skills you're learning will be useful later" ... "Everybody needs to have a degree to get a job" BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH YADDA YADDA BLAH.

*deep sigh* I'm so fed up with this crap. I don't know, maybe this is just that 3rd-year-in-college itch most of us feel, that feeling of wanting to just drop it all and go pursue 'my dream' ... right? I have not a clue. All I know is that in the last week, I have said the phrase "college is so inconvenient" at least 6 times. But nevermind my depressing rant, lol. This post is actually about something.

After getting off the phone and having an eye opening conversation with my momma, I've realized several things:
(1) dammit, i need to stop throwing this pity party.
(2) basically every other college student will be dead broke after graduation too.
(3) I need to stop wasting time complaining, and start doing something about it.

My biggest struggle since starting college has been committing to getting involved in an organization. Freshmen year I didn't see it as a big deal, I just viewed it as a way people make friends. So I would attend a meeting here and there, only to later gave it up, and then find other personal hobbies instead ... aha. Moving on ... I am now (in my junior year) realizing the true significance of joining an organization. It's not about the people you meet, although that is nice, but it's about the experience you have.

Now if you rewind a couple of posts, then you know for a fact that I associate with the "socially awkward" title. But something my mom made me realize was that the socially awkward are often the most original-minded people, AND that I am only as socially awkward as I think I am. If for one second I would stop spending time thinking about it, then I could let the real me show through... including my beautiful awkwardness and all.

So what stops me from being motivated? what stops me from joining an organization? my issue is my doubt. I don't ever want to be viewed as inadequate. Which is so strange because in privacy I am so confident in my abilities. I outline plans, come up with concepts, brainstorm and create ideas. But, In crowds, I speak up only when I am absolutely, 100% sure that my idea will be accepted.

"Success is all in the risk" ... I just came up with that myself, by the way.
Perhaps thats the key... i need to be willing to take the risk. I need to be willing to feel uncomfortable. I have to work myself out of this shell and into the vast ocean (using sea analogies here because my zodiac is Cancer) because the experiences out there are endless.

I don't want to be afraid to do what I want anymore. I am confident...